So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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