I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
