You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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