She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
