I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
