so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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