i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
