I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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