bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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