So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
