Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
