I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
