I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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