Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
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