Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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