I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
