Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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