there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
