proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
