I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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