And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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