I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
