I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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