Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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