I am puke
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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