jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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