You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Barsexuality is the new black.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
