The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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