It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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