So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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