Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
