She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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