I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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