I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
