I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
