I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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