I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
