I want to make a zoo with you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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