hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
