Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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