he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
