I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
