You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
