where am i from again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
