Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
