Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
as a side note pls kill me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
