I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
