Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
