no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
