Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
