yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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