I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
